Tuesday’s mornings I get up, shower, get dressed while letting you and daddy sleep in a bit. Around 640, I wake you both up and you always come to mamas dressing room - playing while I finish getting ready. But this morning, you came into my room after I woke you up, and you took me to my blue chair, and you climbed into my lap, and you hugged me. For 10 minutes, we sat there singing (me singing to you, you trying to sing to me lol), cuddling, totally happy and with no other place to be. It was perfect, and I love you so much for it. I live for these quiet and still moments, moments that don’t seem to happen enough. It was just you and me and nothing else. And less than 20 minutes later, I am now on the train on my way to work, and I’m here writing about it already. Thank you for being exactly what and who I needed. ❤️
10 days from 1
I don’t know how it happened so fast, yet here we are, literally 10 days away from your very first birthday. 1 year ago today you were born. HOW I will never understand, and I am so so grateful and so in love with you. I don’t think I could have imagined a better child more perfect for me, who has taught me so much about myself, and who continues to give me gifts day in and day out. I am such a better version of myself than I was before, and all I can hope is that I’ll continue to become an ever better person for you, throughout your life.
It’s hard for me to imagine that someday you’ll be 5, and then 10, and then getting married and having a family of your own. I know it will happen, because that’s what life is - a constant ebb and flow of movement - I just pray to God that I am there for all of it.
And as crazy as it is, this year with you just wasn’t hard. I mean, sure, you were a baby and you had some nights where you couldn’t sleep or some really bad diapers, and I’m sure I got peed on a few times, but for the most part (and when I say most part I mean 95% of the time), everything has been easy. You are just so sweet. So content. So happy. Such a good sleeper. Such a good eater. Always smiling, never fussy. And then again - maybe it’s also just been easy because I’ve wanted you and this for longer than I’ve realized. Everything about the process and being a mother and having a son has been fulfilling for me. Everything.
I love you. And even though I’m gone and away for a work trip next week, I can’t wait to celebrate you. You are my literal heart and soul.
3 weeks, 5 days
Somehow today is 12/13 and in less than 2 days, you will be 1 month old. I don't know where or how time has flown by so quickly, but it scares and excites me all the same. There are so many things I hope I never forget, so many beautiful memories that have been created, and even more moments that I wish I could just relive over and over.
It's currently 8:33pm, and you're knocked out asleep in my lap. You tend to do this - when you have days that you can't seem to sleep, you settle best in mama's lap. It's soothing for you, no matter how much I move around, no matter what I'm doing, you just stay soundly asleep here. I tried to put you down earlier, but today has been a fussy day, so you haven't had much steady or consistent rest. So you're here - which means I haven't pumped in a few hours and I've eaten nothing but granola - but I'll be sad the day you no longer need me, so here I'll stay. I love how cuddly and comforting this is for you, esp. as you nozzle closer and closer to me the deeper you fall into sleep.
I have so many photos that I need to get printed, so many memories that I want to write down, so many firsts with you that I don't want to ever lose. I make all of these to-do lists everyday and barely half of them ever get done. It's amazing how busy I am everyday watching you, yet I literally do nothing all the same. I always daydream about taking gorgeous and styled photos of you, but I never do them, instead I lay around and stare at you all day long, lol. You are everything I've always wanted and yet nothing I ever imagined, in all the best ways.
I love being your mama, and I can't believe in 2 days you will have been here with me for 30 days already. I couldn't love you more, I couldn't be more proud of you, and I never knew that being so tired could also mean being so happy.
I love you so much, baby boy. <3